What Is A Wake? Understanding Funeral Traditions

A wake is an important part of many funeral traditions. It's a time for family and friends to gather and remember their loved one.

This event provides a space for mourning together and celebrating the person's life.

Let's explore what a wake is, how it's different from a funeral and a celebration of life, and share helpful information for those planning or attending a wake.

Key Takeaways

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Defining a Wake

A wake is a social gathering held before or after a funeral service.

It allows people to pay their respects to the deceased and offer support to the grieving family.

Wakes were traditionally associated with Irish Catholic customs, but now many cultures and faiths use them as a way to honor the person who died and comfort those left behind.

The term "wake" used to mean a late-night prayer vigil, but now it refers to a gathering where people share memories, offer condolences, and sometimes view the body of the deceased.

This change shows how our attitudes towards death and mourning have evolved.

Key Differences: Wake, Funeral, and Celebration of Life

Wake

A wake is usually held before the funeral. It's more informal than a funeral and creates a supportive atmosphere. Sometimes people can view the body, but not always.

The focus is on offering condolences and sharing memories, creating a shared story of the person's life. Wakes might include cultural or religious elements specific to the deceased's background.

Funeral

A funeral is a formal ceremony to honor the deceased. It often follows specific rituals and usually includes religious or cultural practices that reflect the beliefs of the deceased or their family.

The funeral is typically followed by burial or cremation. It's more structured than a wake, with a planned order of events.

Celebration of Life

A celebration of life can be held any time after the death. It focuses on positive memories and accomplishments, emphasising joy over sadness.

These events are often more upbeat and less formal, like a party in honor of the deceased. They might not include viewing the body, instead focusing on the person's life rather than their death.

The Purpose of a Wake

Wakes serve several important purposes in the grieving process:

- Allowing friends and family to say goodbye in a personal, intimate setting
- Providing comfort and support to the bereaved, creating a network of care
- Sharing memories and stories about the deceased, building a collective memory
- Helping people process their grief together, fostering a sense of community
- Offering a space for cultural or religious traditions associated with mourning
- Facilitating closure for those who may not be able to attend the funeral

Planning a Wake

If you're responsible for organising a wake, consider these aspects to create a meaningful and supportive event.

Venue

Wakes can be held in various locations, each offering different advantages:
- Funeral homes: Professional setting with necessary facilities and support staff
- Family homes: Intimate and personal, though may be challenging for larger gatherings
- Community centers: Spacious and neutral, good for accommodating many guests
- Places of worship: Appropriate for religious families, with built-in spiritual support
- Outdoor locations: Can be suitable for more casual or nature-loving individuals

Timing

Decide when to hold the wake:
- The evening before the funeral: Traditional timing, allows for separation of events
- The morning of the funeral: Convenient for out-of-town guests
- After the funeral service: Less common, but can serve as a reception-style gathering
- Multiple days: Some cultures practice extended wakes

Duration

Wakes typically last a few hours, but can be longer depending on cultural traditions and family preferences. Consider:

• The number of expected attendees
• The stamina of the immediate family
• Any cultural or religious requirements
• The availability of the venue

Refreshments

Consider offering light refreshments or a meal, depending on the time and duration of the wake. Options might include:

• Finger foods and appetizers for shorter wakes
• A buffet-style meal for longer gatherings
• Beverages, including both non-alcoholic and alcoholic options if appropriate
• Traditional foods that were favourites of the deceased or reflect their cultural background

For help with these decisions, you may want to consult a funeral director who can guide you through the process. Their expertise can be invaluable in planning a wake that honours the deceased and supports the bereaved.

Attending a Wake: Etiquette Tips

If you're attending a wake, keep these guidelines in mind to show respect and support:

• Dress respectfully, typically in dark or subdued colours, unless otherwise specified
• Sign the guest book if one is provided, offering a brief message of condolence
• Offer condolences to the family, keeping your words simple and heartfelt
• Share memories of the deceased if appropriate, focusing on positive recollections
• Keep conversations quiet and respectful, being mindful of your surroundings
• Follow any cultural or religious customs, such as specific prayers or rituals
• Be prepared for emotional responses, both from yourself and others
• Limit your time if there's a large crowd, allowing others to pay their respects
• Consider bringing a sympathy card or making a donation in lieu of flowers, if suggested

Remember, your presence is a show of support for the grieving family. If you're unsure about proper funeral etiquette, don't hesitate to ask for guidance from the funeral director or a family member.

Personalising a Wake

Modern wakes often include personal touches to celebrate the life of the deceased, creating a more meaningful experience. Some ideas include:

• Displaying photos or memorabilia that show the person's life journey
• Playing the person's favourite music or creating a playlist of meaningful songs
• Sharing video tributes or slideshows of cherished moments
• Creating a memory book for guests to write in, sharing their thoughts and stories
• Including elements of the deceased's hobbies or passions in the decor
• Setting up a table with the person's favourite foods or drinks
• Displaying artwork or crafts created by the deceased
• Arranging for live music if it was something the person enjoyed

These personal elements can make the wake more meaningful for everyone who attends, helping to celebrate the unique life of the deceased. Consider personalising the funeral service as well to create a fitting tribute that truly reflects the individual being honoured.

Cultural Variations in Wake Traditions

Wake customs can vary a lot across different cultures, reflecting diverse beliefs about death, mourning, and the afterlife:

• Irish wakes often include storytelling and sometimes even games, celebrating the person's life
• In some Latino cultures, wakes may last for several days, with family members taking turns to stay with the body
• Jewish traditions include a practice called "sitting shiva" after the funeral, a week-long mourning period
• Some Asian cultures have specific rituals for honouring ancestors during the wake, such as burning incense or offering food
• African American homegoing celebrations often include joyful elements, focusing on the deceased's journey to the afterlife
• Hindu traditions may include chanting and specific rituals to aid the soul's journey
• Buddhist wakes might feature meditation and chanting of sutras

Understanding these cultural differences can help you respect diverse traditions when attending or planning a wake. It's important to be open to practices that may differ from your own and to honour the wishes of the deceased and their family.

The Role of Funeral Directors in Wakes

Funeral directors can provide valuable help when planning a wake, offering professional guidance and support throughout the process. Their services often include:

• Arranging the venue, making sure it's appropriate and properly prepared
• Coordinating timing with the funeral service to create a cohesive memorial experience
• Handling logistics for viewing the body, including preparation and presentation
• Advising on cultural and religious customs to ensure proper observance
• Providing support staff during the event to manage guest needs and logistics
• Assisting with paperwork and legal requirements related to death and burial
• Offering guidance on personalization options to honour the deceased
• Coordinating with other service providers, such as florists or caterers

Contacting a funeral director can help ensure that the wake runs smoothly and meets your family's needs. Their experience and expertise can be invaluable in planning a memorial event during a difficult time.

Coping with Grief During a Wake

Attending or hosting a wake can be emotionally challenging, as it often marks the first public acknowledgment of the loss. Here are some tips for managing grief during this time:

• Allow yourself to express emotions freely, recognizing that grief is a natural process
• Take breaks if you feel overwhelmed, stepping outside or finding a quiet space if needed
• Lean on friends and family for support, accepting help when offered
• Remember that everyone grieves differently, and there's no "right" way to feel
• Consider seeking professional help if you're struggling to cope with your emotions
• Practice self-care before and after the wake, ensuring you're physically and emotionally prepared
• Share memories and stories about the deceased, finding comfort in positive recollections
• Be patient with yourself and others, as grief can manifest in unexpected ways

Remember that bereavement support is available if you're struggling to cope with your loss.

Professional counsellors and support groups can provide valuable resources and coping strategies as you navigate the grieving process.

Conclusion

A wake is a meaningful tradition that provides comfort and closure for many people when they lose a loved one.

This gathering helps people move from the initial shock of loss to the more formal funeral and offers a space for mourning together whilst remembering the person who had passed.

Remember that there's no single right way to remember a loved one. It's okay to adapt traditions to best honour the deceased and support those who are grieving.

The most important part of a wake is bringing family and friends together to share in grief and celebrate a life lived.

If you need help planning a wake or celebration of life, don't hesitate to reach out to our dedicated team.

We’re here to support you through this difficult time and help you create a fitting tribute to your loved one and we understand the importance of honouring individual wishes and cultural traditions.

We're committed to guiding you through every step of the process with empathy and professionalism. Contact the team HERE.

Thanks for reading.

FAQs Related to the question of What Is a Wake?

Q. What should I wear to a wake if there’s no dress code?
A. Dark or neutral colours are usually best. Opt for modest, respectful clothing like a dress, suit, or slacks with a blouse. Some wakes may allow more casual attire, so consider the family's preferences.

Q. Can children attend a wake, and how should I prepare them?
A. Yes, but it depends on the child’s age and comfort level. Explain what to expect, encourage questions, and let them express emotions freely. Bringing a quiet activity may help if they become overwhelmed.

Q. What’s the etiquette for speaking at a wake?
A. Keep remarks brief and heartfelt. Sharing a memory or kind words about the deceased is appropriate, but avoid controversial or overly personal topics. If unsure, listen first and follow the tone set by others.

Q. Is it appropriate to bring a gift to a wake? If so, what kind?
A. A sympathy card, flowers, or food for the family are thoughtful choices. Donations to a charity in the deceased’s name are also a meaningful gesture if suggested by the family.